Sometimes You’ve Just Got to Take a Pass
I’m a big believer in teaching my kids to take responsibility for their belongings and their actions. But I also know the importance of being able to bend the rules.
My 10 year-old son Beck plays the trumpet and a month ago while we were waiting for the bus he realized he’d forgotten it and he asked me to drop it off at school later on. I said no. He looked at me disbelievingly. I said it wouldn’t serve him in the long run if I bailed him out each time. With slumped shoulders and a sad face, he got on the bus. My heart broke but I trusted I was doing the right thing.
Hours later when I met him at the bus (and he’d forgotten the morning) I asked him if he understood why I didn’t bring his trumpet. “You want to me to be responsible,” he said. I clarified that if I’d dropped it off he might not be incentivized to remember the next time.
Fast forward to last week. I’d just returned from a business trip, had jet lag and was definitely not back in my mommy groove. Our morning was rushed, and I had to drive my kids to the bus stop. Just as the bus was arriving, Beck looked at me and said, “oh no, I forgot my backpack.” I told him to stay in the car, ushered my other two onto the bus. and made a u-turn to head home to retrieve his pack.
When he jumped back in the car with his backpack in hand he asked me why I’d done that, why I hadn’t made him go to school without it.
My heart opened wide and I said “because I know you are responsible. Today was a nutty morning, for which I want to take responsibility, and I want to give you a pass. We all make mistakes and I want you to know it’s okay.” He smiled ear to ear with his delicious dimples that always warm my heart. When I dropped him off at school, he bounced out of the car all light and airy.
Driving home I reflected on the importance of my giving him a pass, and the message I gave him that I do believe in him and it’s okay not to be perfect. I then thought about that same message for myself.
I need to give myself a pass sometimes. I’m a far cry from the perfect mom. I do my best to connect meaningfully with my kids and instill the values I believe in but sometimes we eat crappy food, stay up too late and forget our backpacks, and it’s okay. We need permission to give ourselves a pass.
Tags: Parenting, perfectionism
