The Story Behind My Confusing Relationship with Money
Based on my own money history, I am fascinated with money as a tool for personal growth. Let me tell you what led up to my decision to hold a Telesummit at the beginning of the year for motivated women entrepreneurs about all the confusing issues surrounding money.
Money has always been a highly charged subject for me.
Growing up my parents were on opposite sides of the money spectrum. My mom came from a depression-era home and savings and frugality were paramount. The message I received was, “If I spend money, I am frivolous.” My dad worked very hard to create what he had and he wanted to enjoy it, and share it with his daughters. He’d periodically sneak me money to buy something I wanted. The message I received was “I must hide my spending from my mother.”
Needless to say, these conflicting messages set the tone for my very confusing relationship with money, which as an adult, I’m still working through. I started out after college making $17,200 as an assistant buyer at Bergdorf Goodman, a very high-end department store in New York City. On that salary I could barely afford to live in NYC but I had to look the part of the well-dressed fashion girl. However, as the daughter of a frivolous mother Bergdorf’s was NOT where we shopped. If I did now, was I going to disappoint my mother?
Soon after, at just 25, I moved onto the Gap where I experienced many things for the first time: a very generous income, stock options, a sign-on bonus, yearly bonuses, and very generous travel expenses. But, at 25, the questions I continually asked myself were, “Do I deserve this?”, and the age-old impostor question of “When will they figure out I don’t know what I’m doing and take it all away?”
Less than a decade later, I was let go from the fashion world after a fortunate down-sizing, and left with a gracious severance package and my Gap money to go it on my own. I started Metromom maternity, bought my first home, and had a generous cushion. But what I learned is that a cushion goes quickly. Did I subconsciously “need” to get rid of all the money I didn’t think I deserved back from my twenties?
Here I am today. I’m 44, I’ve got three delicious kids (who cost a lot), a growing (and exciting) business with more expense than revenue, lots of “smart” debt and a solid foundation for myself where I finally know my value in the world, trust my credibility and think I’m finally ready to receive.
I share this with you because I truly believe that my relationship with money is a mirror for my growth.
As I change my past stories, gain compassion for my parents and the messages they shared, believe in my deservability, and am open to receive, I am slowly healing my relationship with money, and giving myself the tools to provide different messages to my children.
Last spring I hosted my first Telesummit to support women in creating online success. It was geared to serving the woman who both wants a website and doesn’t know how to get started as well as the woman who does have one but hasn’t monetized it yet. It was a huge amount of work but for me as a connector and an implementer I had found my calling.
For me a Telesummit is a way to expand my community, bring them valuable content, and enjoy the process of keeping my eyes and ears open so that I can connect with great people who have expertise that I can bring to my community. For a while now I knew that my next Telesummit would revolve around money. I even decided to call it the Prosperity Telesummit, but I wasn’t clear on the direction it would take…
Now I have greater clarity. After a personally challenging summer with lots of financial stress while my husband’s been out of work and my business takes flight, I realize there’s a lot about money that goes unspoken. In our world of internet business, I see there’s a façade about the reality of running your own business. This encompasses how much people are earning, to how they’re charging for their services (or not) to how much it costs to run their businesses. So, even if they’re making the revenue, are they keeping the profits?
At the Prosperity Summit, I want to pull back the veil on some of these issues. I want to get back in touch with what it means to be abundant and focus on the service and value you’re providing in the world. I want to bring great information to you about focusing on your mindset so you can charge what you’re worth, handle any marital stress that accompanies money woes and pass on healthy money messages to your children.
Please let me know if there are any particular topics surrounding money that you want to learn about.
Tags: impostor, messages about money, Money & Prosperity, Personal Growth, Prosperity Summit, relationship with money
